"Once upon a time, there was a bird. He was adorned with two perfect wings and with glossy, colorful, marvelous feathers. In short, he was a creature made to fly about freely in the sky, bringing joy to everyone who saw him.
One day, a woman saw this bird and fell in love with him. She watched his flight, her mouth wide in amazement, her heart pounding, her eyes shining with excitement. She invited the bird to fly with her, and the two travelled across the sky in perfect harmony. She admired and venerated and celebrated that bird.
But then she thought: He might want to visit far off mountains! And she was afraid, afraid that she would never feel the same way about any other bird. And she felt envy, envy for the bird's ability to fly. And she felt alone. And she thought: "I'm going to set a trap. The next time the bird appears, he will never leave again.
The bird, who was also in love, returned the following day, fell into the trap and was put in a cage. She looked at the bird every day. There he was, the object of her passion, and she showed him to her friends, who said: "Now you have everything you could possibly want." However, a strange transformation began to take place: now that she had the bird and no longer needed to woo him, she began to lose interest.The bird, unable to fly and express the true meaning of his life, began to waste away and his feathers to lose their gloss; he grew ugly; and the woman no longer paid him any attention, except by feeding him and cleaning out his cage.
One day, the bird died. The woman felt terribly sad and spent all her time thinking about him. But she did not remember the cage, she thought only of the day when she had seen him for the first time, flying contentedly amonst the clouds.
If she had looked more deeply into herself, she would have realized that what had thrilled her about the bird was his freedom, the energy of his wings in motion, not his physical body.
Without the bird, her life too lost all meaning, and Death came knocking at her door. "Why have you come? she asked Death. "So that you can fly once more with him across the sky," Death replied. "If you had allowed him to come and go, you would have loved and admired him even more; alas, you now need me in order to find him again."
Eleven Minutes, a novel written by Paulo Coelho
*This is what happens when we lust....then possess.* But once we learn that we cannot possess another human being or anything for that matter because it's sole purpose is to be appreciated by everyone....we understand the true meaning of LOVE.
It's time to get down to the nitty gritty. Everyone is having it...but very few are talking about it. Society has led many to believe that men are entitled to it...but women should deprive themselves until marriage. NEWS FLASH.....women want it, need it, and are having it just as much or more than the average male.
Sex isn't just sex. It is an essential ingredient for great health, happiness and well being. Sex has proven to burn hundreds of calories, increases strength and agility. How?? Well, it's a contact sport...lol. There is lots of cardio, calisthenics (holding up your own body weight), and flexibility is tested with various positions. Sex has also proven to reduce stress. The pent up tension is relieved when one is aroused and able to peak, thus finishing with an orgasim. Having sex is equivalent to going to the gym and having a successful session with a therapist. The body is relaxed and the mind is at ease. Over time, a happy sex life adds years to your life and it has been tested in research.
There isn't much to say about happiness and well being other than...when you are having great sex....you are happy :-) and well, your "being" can BE the best it can be because all of the human systems are in tact and working adequately. The MESSAGE is...have as much SAFE SEX as you can because it is actually beneficial for your physical health, emotional health and life span!!
Everyone seems to be an expert on relationships laying out the rules and nuances of the dating game, wear this...don't wear that, say this...don't say that, have sex...don't have sex...and the list goes on. The truth is, there is no cookie cutter outline to what will work for everyone. If that were the case, every single woman who wants to wed would be married (hmmmm) or maybe not since women clearly out number men.
Marriage, what is it, where did it come from and why do so many people want it? According to google, marriage is defined as "the formal union of a man and a woman, typically recognised by law, by which they become husband and wife."
Ok, so where did all of the formalities come from? Marriage is only about 4, 350 years old. Prior to this institute, families were comprised of tribes with several male leaders and multiple women shared by them and children. When tribes settled into agrarian civilizations...key word...CIVILIZATIONS, society had deemed one woman and one man = stability. At inception, marriage had little to do with love or religion. The purpose in marriage was to bind women to men and guarantee that a man's children were truly his biological heirs. Women became a man's property, hence...taking the man's last name. Religion became apart of marriage when the Roman Catholic Church became a powerful institute in Europe which then required couples to receive the blessings of a priest to be legally recognised. Religion provided structure and rules (1) men had to show respect for wives, (2) divorce was forbidden, and (3) the couple had exclusive access to each other's body (monogamy). Marriage at that time was for the practical reasons which later grew to deep mutual love and devotion over time. To marry for love was "invented" by the French. Women were taught to "cast her love with flirtatious glances, anything but a frank and open entreaty (invitation for sex)." (Source: the weekmagazine.com)
And people want this because??? Romance changed not only the purpose of marriage, but it began to dictate how men and women should behave. Men now have to have higher regards for women and attempt to woo them for their love and affection. Initmacy is no longer a given requirement for women as it had been in the past. Sex and love has to be earned. (Source: the weekmagazine.com)
Rules give me the blues....and I feel, the only rules people follow are the ones they make! Men like variety, so one day they want a woman who will make them wait for sex and tomorrow they want the one who is ready to get busy immediately. In his head he ratoinalizes her actions by stating that she is a woman who knows what she wants...lol. Dudes crack me up and relationship experts have me rolling on the floor laughing my @zz off. The kicks and giggles come from the unrealistic bull crap that is pushed off on us. The way I see it is, a man likes what he likes and he commits to whomever he chooses. With that being said, whoever he decides to make his woman or his wife has little to do with what she wears, what she says or how soon she decides to have sex with him. Men have their own ideas about what turns them on, and what qualities they feel she should have in order to be his wife.
With this understanding, I feel people should think and be who they are!!! Flirt with life by experimenting with different relationships in order to know what you truly like and dislike. Once one comes to terms with the qualities they would like their life long mate to have, a few face to face interactions will make it known whether or not it is a relationship worth pursuing. Action speaks louder than words so watch what the person does and store what they say. Everyone can tell when someone really likes them. That person wants to spend time with you on a regular basis, your relationship will not be a secret and the person you are dating is interested in getting to really know you for who you are beyond the surface. There are no rules one should follow to get the man to wed. Men marry when they are ready....point blank period. He can be with someone he loves for years and never marry her...they break up...the next year he is ready to get married and the first one he commits to becomes his wife. So if you want to have a little fun....JUST UNDERSTAND...that it is just a little fun. If more comes out of it cool and if not...it was a moment that should not leave you devastated and broken. If you know that emotionally you can't have a little fun...then DON'T...it is that simple. I would not say wait 3 months to have sex or put any specific time limit on intimacy...but take your time. What you will learn in 3 months for sure is who you are really getting to know. Fake behavior can only last for so long and usually 90 days is all the fakeness one can keep up before the truth is revealed. I believe that people show you who they are before 90 days. Just fall back and pay attention to how that person treats themselves, you, and the people around them. The truth will always be the truth and I truely believe it is better to plan for the future knowing what you want but also living in the moment. Every person who crosses your path is not going to make it into your future..so enjoy right now, don't over think it!
There is nothing more complimentary than opposites. They say opposites attract...and I believe that!!! Let me begin by briefly describing what a "Good Girl" encompasses. A majority would agree that the "Good Girl" is smart, innocent, naive, attractive, faithful, trustworthy and has structure growing up. She may be slow picking up on slang, has no clue about the rules of the streets...and she most certainly...AIN'T ABOUT THAT LIFE!!! LOL. She goes to school, probably attends church weekly or some religious gathering and she abides by the laws of the land. She is everything "bad guys" dream about because she is NOTHING like them.
"Bad Guys" are contrary to everything that embodies peace, calm, structure, and too much like right!! "Bad Guys" are rule breakers, rule makers, takers, manipulators, great lovers and shakers!
Chaos is always present or nearby and violence is the primary form of communication. Now why on earth would that be so attractive to good girls? That is a very good question.
In the world of "nice" where people play by the rules and always try to make good with each other is not only boring but REALLY FAKE!! People aren't expressing how they really feel and aren't being true to who they really are. They are just going along to get along until a "Bad Guy" comes along.
Bad guys display CONFIDENCE as if they have mastered every craft and can do all things if they only tried. They are like super heroes searching high and low for their heroin with "good girl" traits. These dudes are also very AMBITIOUS. No it's not in a good way as in a 9 to 5, but whatever the hustle is....he takes initiative and is dedicated to the end (jail or death). As risky as it is...it excites women because that is some ish we would never do! Because he takes big risks...so are the rewards. These guys find ways to be the provider and protector. Provide by any means necessary and protect the wife and family with force --------------------->>>>>
Hmmmm judging by a lot of women's check list for the perfect man, it is almost guaranteed that the "bad guy" fits the description. Women want a man who can provide.....check, women want a masculine manly man.....check, a woman wants to feel secure and protected....check, a woman wants a man in control......check, a woman wants a man to speak his mind/thoughts/ideas freely....check, a woman wants a man who will make ends meet when things don't happen according to plan....check...a woman wants a man who adorns himself with only the best fashion, food, cars, homes etc.....check, a woman wants a man who has business to tend to and is not under her 24/7...check. But most importantly, a woman wants to feel loved and appreciated.....check. "Bad Guys" tend to be mannerable, polite, and tender with the woman they love and adore. They aim to please from their gentle side because all day every day it's a jungle out there ------------>>>>
Being with one's polar opposite can be a breath of fresh air. Each is teaching the other something new and getting in touch with their inner self. If you think about it...most people really aren't opposites..they are just mirror images from within. "Good Girls" really have a not so good side to them but they are afraid to show it so they live through "Bad Guys" and vice versa. Check out this youtube to see what I mean.
When posed the question...what separates humans from animals, depending on who is answering the question, the response is intriguing. I was having a conversation regarding this very topic a few days ago and it is interesting how humans place themselves at the top of the hierarchy then begin to make the comparisons from there.
Due to there being a plethora of species on earth (those seen and those unseen), it is a given that there will be vast difference from one species to another in terms of mating, eating/hunting, survival tactics, and community living vs. solitary. But what tends to set humans apart from most animals is our intellectual capacity; our innate ability to make convoluted decisions. So for most humans, it is a no brainer that we should without a doubt be at the top of the hierarchy because we have the ability to be rational and civil.
I would have to disagree with the average person who believes it is our intellect that sets us apart. I would say "EMOTION" is the ruler of our world. Although humans have the ability to be logical, decisions in many cases are made irrationally (based on that individual's current mood and nothing else). We hunt for food but also for hobbies, bragging rites, power, control and in some cultures it's a rite of passage and honor. We mate for the survival of our species/leaving a legacy, but we also mate because "IT FEELS GOOD," some women think they can keep their man by having children with him, some women have children for monetary gain (child support or welfare) and some have children to fill an emotional void of wanting to be loved and accepted. We kill for survival or self defense, but we also kill because we felt disrespected, wanted power or control, ego, fear, to please others, to hide or cover up a truth, for monetary gain, or for a loved one, for jealousy etc. We live in communities not so much because of survival although community is regarded as a necessary resource. We live in communities because it brings monetary gain, people to talk to, share hobbies and activities, people to manipulate and or control. And we have the audacity to call ourselves civil...smh.
Think about it, animals are actually more practical than humans. They hunt for a purpose--->>>>to eat in order to survive. They also mate for the survival of the species. They kill for survival. They live in communities for survival. Emotion is never talked about as being the culprit for an animal's actions.
If humans had less emotion and made decisions that were primarily based on logic, EVERY action would be made with a purpose, one in which is closely associated with the basics of everyday living which contributes greatly to survival and nothing more.
The winter is coming to a close and hibernation is so over with! Everyone knows that once it starts to warm up, love birds want to PLAY outside. So they break up, out with the old and in with the new, the winter is #dead and Boo so are you.
Bun buddies serve one purpose only and that is to keep you warm during the cold months. Once it starts to heat up, people tend to want more than outside heat to light that fire. Clothes are going to start shedding as each month moves closer towards summer. So sex appeal is going to be on every corner, down every street and a freak is dying to come out of almost everyone you meet. Men will be intrigued visually by the burst of color women choose to put in their hair, adorn upon their lips, and flaunt with those short flowy dresses to compliment the hips. Spring flower scents like Flower Bomb will be floating in the air and mixing in with pheromones....which is just what is needed to get the party started.
Happy hour was cool during the winter...but it is definitely poppin in the Spring leading to the Summer. Delicious colorful alcoholic beverages with awesome flavors arouse the inner kitty cat to meow, wanting nothing more than a Spring Fling.
Try not to be surprised when you look around at everyone who has JUST become single! You'll hear plenty of stories about the behavior change one's mate has suddenly decided to display (not answering phone calls, taking forever to call back, not wanting to spend the night, going out more with friends, not always desiring to have sex with you as it once used to be during the winter). Ladies, you can't be mad at the fellas for being so tempted. But boy oh boy do I have some treats for the ladies!!!! Feast your eyes on these beautiful beast!!! Men won't be leaving us behind, because we have a few feathers that could definitely be ruffled after laying up with Mr. Dusty all winter...lol.
Cheaterization has been with humankind since the beginning of time and does not seem to be going anywhere anytime soon.
I am not sure if people are just intrigued by the taboo or secrecy of sneaking or if there are serious breakdowns in a marriage that makes cheating seem so compelling. Either way, someone always gets hurt but there is one question that lingers in the minds of many....whose shoes would one rather walk in?
To be or not to be the Mistress vs To be or not to be the Wife
Mistress has excitement and thrill behind the title. A mistress is typically the go to partner for immediate gratification with loose strings attached. For men, this is the ideal situation. But what is it like for the mistress?
According to women who have filled this role, there are perks as well as a downside to being the other woman. There is always romance, great sex, gifts, and trips. But what makes the rotten dirty scoundrel more enticing is the emotional connection that is forged from the union society deems morally wrong. Within this relationship, both partners tend to be forth coming about their feelings and they feel safe expressing themselves. This is a relationship that does not involve criticism. They enjoy being in each other's presence because they are actually living in the moment. Every moment of their interactions count so they give it their all. There is little room for fighting and bickering. There is only time for lovemaking. Some of the other perks are that they do not share a household or have children together. So the day to day stress in the man's life is exempt when he is with his mistress.
On the contrary, knowing that the man she has fallen in love with must leave her at night or during the week to be with his wife and family is hurtful. Although she is totally aware of the situation, deep down inside she is hoping that he will one day leave his wife for her. But the reality of the situation is the mistress is limited to the amount of time she spends with her partner. There may not be any consistency in how often they communicate and at the end of the day, her opinion does not account for much because THEY are a secret. This fairy tale romance is also expected to come to an end at some point. Nothing lasts forever, and these ties may be broken the moment his wife finds out or if he has a change of heart and decides to uphold his commitment to marriage.
The title of wife alone has a respectable connotation that appeals to most. This title represents a union agreed upon before God. It is the position to be desired by many women. But just like there are perks and downsides to being a mistress, the same is true for wives.
Wives are in a relationship that guarantees economic commitment if nothing else. The household will be maintained and provided for. The relationship between this couple is public, family oriented, comes with benefits and can have dual earners. This is no fly by situation. Husband and wife are committed for life or in some cases, til death due them part (the show Snapped....lol). Behavior from the spouses tend to be predictable and reliable. It's a practical lifestyle that is supported by the other. However, for some...all that routine stuff turns out to be flat out boring over time.
Boredom may lead him right into the arms of another woman. Now that he has this other woman...where does that leave the wife. Being the wife and not the mistress does not afford one total honesty in the relationship. And we all know honesty is where trust lies. So now the husband is working longer hours at work, taking business trips, uninterested in sex and is not in such a loving mood when he is around. He is irritated easily and prefers alone time when he is home. After all, his wife is the one he has to consult with about finances, the children, household chores, new purchases, and hear her nag about the time THEY ARE NOT spending together. This can be a stressful situation. We are talking about shared credit, different spending and saving habits which lead to argument after argument for control. All of these things could very well cause this couple to fall in and out of love with each other. Remember, the wife REALLY knows her husband (the good, the bad and the down right ugly sides of him). Despite it all...they are married!!!
With that information, which side of the coin would you want to land on? Mistress or Wife?
