What goes around comes around and OUR time is NOW! Women are making their mark not only in the workforce...but in relationships as well. Music and mass media set the scene for what is to come and if you pay close attention....women aren't much different from men...we have just been oppressed and had to suppress the urge to splurge for so many years....lol. But ladies are letting their hair down and challenging men to a dual for MONEY, POWER, RESPECT and SEX (yup it's true)!
BOOM.....welcome to your thirties in the 21st Century!!! Women are living THE GOOD LIFE! We have education, we own homes, we are CEO's, and money is flowing so heavy, we are in female strip clubs throwing dollars at chicks like men....because we can....we got it like that!!! For the first time in history....women can control their own destinies. Evolution has been good to us...but there is one thing that has yet to catch up with the longevity of our wonderful careers and that is.....our freakin ovaries!!!
The first time a young girl gets her menstrual cycle...the biological clock starts. And although it has ALWAYS been ticking....that ish does not get annoyingly LOUD until one has already reached the height of their career or needs like 5 more years to accomplish that career aspiration. Unfortunately, the time it takes to get financial independence does not coincide with the odds of having a HEALTHYbaby. Women are most fertile when they are teenagers and young adults (early 20's). But society has led us to believe that we are not emotionally mature or ready to reproduce during that time. Sadly, a lot of young girls get pregnant but they abort the pregnancy. When they find themselves as older adults ready to have children for the first time, or have another child....they can't! Society says one thing but our bodies are showing us another.
Society is also pushing marriage before children. I am not at all disagreeing with the preference for that particular model, however, it is my personal belief that you have the REST of your life to find THE ONE...but you only have about 24 years give or take to have a baby. When a woman waits beyond that short time period in her life, she puts herself at risk for taking a much longer period to conceive for the first time, she is at a higher risk for miscarriages and the baby is at risk for genetic abnormalities including down syndrome and autism. That is just speaking candidly about having one child, what about those women who want to have more than one??? All I can say is....damn...where did the time go?
Interestingly, women aren't the only one's whose biological clock is ticking! Men fail to realise there is a decline in testosterone, a decline in fertility, and a greater chance of fathering children with genetic problems the longer they wait to reproduce as well. Granted they are able to shoot sperm much longer than women have their menstrual cycles, on the contrary, their sperm does not swim as fast and even if they decide to mate with a much younger woman....it will take much longer for her to get pregnant than if they were both young and at the peak of their reproductive ages.
I am not at all attempting to represent ALL of the women in their thirties...but merely presenting a point of view, one in which I can totally relate to! My plight is not to convince all of the single women in their thirties to run out and get pregnant, but I am asking them to put into perspective their long term goals. If family ranks right up there with financial security...now is the time to take control much like you did with your career. Mr. Right Now does not have to be synonymous with Mr. Wrong. Look at Mr. Right Now as the conduit to your bundle of joy. At the end of it all, if things do not work out with Mr. Right Now and he decides to pick up and leave the relationship, you will be happy with what he has left behind. And when Mr. Right surfaces, you will be able to say that you achieved ALL of your goals and have no regrets!!
Let's just say divorce in this country has become and epidemic. More than half of all marriages end in divorce and researchers have yet to find a cure. Although the reasons for divorce differ, the majority of couples call it quits for one......INFIDELITY. So my rhetorical question is.....if soooo many people are cheating....is monogamy human nature? The second question is....Can people really be committed to their mate if they are having a physical relationship with other people? So at this point, I am intrigued not with what will make marriage last, but with those marriages that have lasted and why.
Traditional monogamous marriages are fundamentally religious and prescribed for two individuals (biblically speaking, a man and a woman). Within that marriage, both individuals agree to be loyal, trustworthy, and committed through sickness and health, for richer for poorer....til death due them part. EVERYONE who decides to marry knows this....knows themselves...and yet they "Jump the Broom" anyway.
On any given day in the tabloids, a couple is getting a divorce. The characters change but the reason remains the same.
I did a little research and surprisingly, Alternative Marriage Styles/Swingers tend to be happier couples and have longevity. According to research, "swinging is non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity, that can be experienced as a couple. Emotional monogamy, or commitment to the love relationship with one's marital partner, remains the primary focus. Swinging is usually done in the presence of one's spouse and requires the consent of both to the experience." Currently in traditional monagamous marriages, "37% of husbands and 29% of wives admit to having had at least one extra-marital affair (Reinisch, 1990), divorce rates for first marriages are approaching 60% (Jones, 1995), and family instability and parental neglect of children has become a major national concern (Wagner, 1998; Lowe, 1996; Jones, et al, 1995)."
In this particular study, Traditional Monogamous Couple's level of happiness is compared to Swinger's level of happiness.
Today's Alternative Marriage Styles: The Case of Swingers
Authors:
Dr. Curtis Bergstrand, Associate Professor of Sociology, Bellarmine University
Table 14. Comparison of Swingers and G.S.S. Samples On the Question: "At this point in your life, would you say that your marriage/relationship is [Very Happy, Pretty Happy, Not Too Happy]
Very Happy
Happy
"Pretty" or "Not Too"
Total
GSS
(N=19,165)
64.0%
36.0%
100.0%
Swingers
(N=1,092)
78.5%
21.5%
100.0%
It seems as though Alternative Marriages/Swingers are happier than traditional monogamous couples. It is my hypothesis that "polygamous marriages," "open marriages" and "swingers" are working because there are no trust issues and minimal jealousy. Everyone involved is aware of the situation and there is no need for deceit. These kind of couples are actually honest, have open communication and an emotional attachment to each other. Traditional monogamous marriages are open as well once someone cheats...but unfortunately the union is emotionally damaged and trust is hard to regain.
<------Yep that's Will, but that ain't Jada and this ain't a movie! Well this picture on google says, Will was being open with the UK about his open relationship. So, maybe it is Jada...maybe not...but they definitely have an open relationship.
Man marries four women at once in South Africa.
Happens across cultures, religious beliefs and social economic status.
The average person would agree that there are certain dreams that rattle them to the core. They either keep having the same dream, they evoke some sort of emotion, or there is something scary about it (life or death). What the average person does not know is that dreams are in fact REAL!!!But what you see is not what you are supposed to get.
Dreams are your wishes, desires, anxiety, shame, and guilt.....your unconcious is talking to you. The dream is camouflaged with a story that may not make any sense to you at all. But if you can unscramble the puzzle, which is the theme, you will be able to figure out exactly what it is you are dealing with in real life at that current time.
I have been able to asssist several people with figuring out what they are going through in order to make sense out of their dreams. Last night, I had a dream and when I woke up this morning, I knew EXACTLY what it meant.
For those who do not know me personally, I went to Westchester High School and I was a varsity cheerleader. I consider Westchester to be home. So I was dreaming that I was at my high school and upon entering the basketball gym, I saw a bunch of new cheerleaders and only one familiar face. That person was the captain of the team and she recognized me as well. When she asked why I was there, I told her I had come back to be a cheerleader (with enthusiasum). Her response was, you're ALL WASHED UP. I was baffeled and had attempted to explain why I felt I was still qualified to cheer. My feelings at that time were in shock because it was my belief that I was not being received well or welcomed back AT ALL.
When I woke up, I unscrambled that dream soooo fast it took me by surprise. I realized that my dream stemmed from my desire to really want to move back home to Los Angeles. What I was feeling when I was not received well, are the unconscious doubts I have about how my childhood friends will receive me. That uncertainty of whether or not things will be like old times, or if I will be a stranger in familiar territory is secretly eating at me. I guess it is because I have been away from home for so long, I am questioning if my friends and I will have much in common upon my return.
That was no ordinary dream, and neither are the dreams you're having. The next time you have a dream that you can't seem to shake...write it down...then ask yourself some questions about your current life. Is there something stressing you out, are you questioning someone's loyalty, are you ready to move on in your career, is family in turmoil or is money constantly haunting you? It will be the most perfect time to receive some guidance about where you are at this particular moment in time.
Ok, I had to go old school on this one. Since when did it become ok to harass an ex? When it's over...it's REALLY over...what do we have to talk about? Please don't text me, call me, facebook me...or hit me up on twitter or voxer. If I walked away from you because you BLEW IT....reaching out to me is NOT going to make me like you more! As a matter of fact...you are making me sick to my stomach!!!!
Why is it that when one person ends the relationship and it is thoroughly discussed, the other seems to think there is unfinished business. Hmmm....please help me understand WHAT IT IS THAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!
A bugaboo can be a male or a female and personally...it's disgusting. WORDS FROM THE WISE...MOVE ON! Now if the break up was peaceful and a friendship can be maintained...I am ALL for it! But there are certain situations in which a friendship is not an option. Taking it to football, the type of foul is going to determine the type of penalty. An attack from the legs down is going to have a different penalty than a face mask attack....point blank period! Oh, and don't get mad because the other person is not receptive to having a friendship with you. It is what it is. Take it as a lesson learned and GET TA STEPPING (in my Martin Lawrence voice). If I am wrong about this...holla at me!
OK....I get that I am a woman because I have a vagina...BUT....I totally do not think or behave the way a lot of women do when it comes to their men.
Riddle me with this...why is it that women who suspect their men of cheating....go fishing for clues and blatant signs...and when they find out he is REALLY cheating...they get pissed off at the person he is cheating with and not the person they are ACTUALLY in a relationship with...huh...WHERE THEY DO THAT AT????
First things first, if you suspect he is cheating...there is probably a good chance that he is. So now what...well you need to figure out if you truly want monogamy or an open relationship. Once you make that decision...take the next step...go ahead and snoop! Once you find ALL of the dirt you can dig up...and you know for sure he is cheating...DON'T GO APE SHTY ON THE CHICK!!! If monogamy is what you want and he clearly is not giving it to you...confront HIM about it then toss him the deuces.
Some might disagree and have the perspective that...ummm...after you talk to your man, you may be able to work things out (as long as he doesn't do it again). NEWS FLASH LADIES.....if you take him back....YOU ARE NOW IN AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP.....DEAL WITH IT!!! So, the next time you go snooping and find out that yet again he is cheating on your AZZ....CHECK YOURSELF....YOU SIGNED UP FOR THIS REMEMBER!!!
Men seem to get this which is why...once a woman cheats on him...he is not taking that AZZ back....lol. Just the thought alone of what you could have been doing with another man is usually enough for him to be like...OH HELL NO!!! And if by chance he takes you back...you had better believe he is going to be doing him...if he wasn't ALREADY!
What's crazy is that A LOT of people really think they are in a monogamous relationship...but the truth is...you are monogamous...but its open for your partner.
Food for thought....if you want monogamy and you are deceived...it is DEFINITELY time to move on. But if you are cool with sharing...take him back and have that open relationship. BUT YOU SHOULD NEVER.....TAKE YOUR FRUSTRATIONS OUT ON THE CHICK HE IS CHEATING WITH..............UNLESS SHE KNOWS YOU PERSONALLY!!! Just keeping it 100%
