Which Role is Better...Mistress or Wife?

Cheaterization Just Is!!!

Cheaterization has been with humankind since the beginning of time and does not seem to be going anywhere anytime soon. 

I am not sure if people are just intrigued by the taboo or secrecy of sneaking or if there are serious breakdowns in a marriage that makes cheating seem so compelling.  Either way, someone always gets hurt but there is one question that lingers in the minds of many....whose shoes would one rather walk in? 

To be or not to be the Mistress vs To be or not to be the Wife

Mistress has excitement and thrill behind the title.  A mistress is typically the go to partner for immediate gratification with loose strings attached.  For men, this is the ideal situation.  But what is it like for the mistress?

     According to women who have filled this role, there are perks as well as a downside to being the other woman.  There is always romance, great sex, gifts, and trips.  But what makes the rotten dirty scoundrel more enticing is the emotional connection that is forged from the union society deems morally wrong. Within this relationship, both partners tend to be forth coming about their feelings and they feel safe expressing themselves.  This is a relationship that does not involve criticism. They enjoy being in each other's presence because they are actually living in the moment.  Every moment of their interactions count so they give it their all.  There is little room for fighting and bickering.  There is only time for lovemaking. Some of the other perks are that they do not share a household or have children together.  So the day to day stress in the man's life is exempt when he is with his mistress. 

     On the contrary, knowing that the man she has fallen in love with must leave her at night or during the week to be with his wife and family is hurtful.  Although she is totally aware of the situation, deep down inside she is hoping that he will one day leave his wife for her.  But the reality of the situation is the mistress is limited to the amount of time she spends with her partner.  There may not be any consistency in how often they communicate and at the end of the day, her opinion does not account for much because THEY are a secret.  This fairy tale romance is also expected to come to an end at some point.  Nothing lasts forever, and these ties may be broken the moment his wife finds out or if he has a change of heart and decides to uphold his commitment to marriage.

The title of wife alone has a respectable connotation that appeals to most.  This title represents a union agreed upon before God.  It is the position to be desired by many women.  But just like there are perks and downsides to being a mistress, the same is true for wives.  

     Wives are in a relationship that guarantees economic commitment if nothing else.  The household will be maintained and provided for.  The relationship between this couple is public, family oriented, comes with benefits and can have dual earners.  This is no fly by situation.  Husband and wife are committed for life or in some cases, til death due them part (the show Snapped....lol).  Behavior from the spouses tend to be predictable and reliable.  It's a practical lifestyle that is supported by the other.  However, for some...all that routine stuff turns out to be flat out boring over time.

     Boredom may lead him right into the arms of another woman.  Now that he has this other woman...where does that leave the wife.  Being the wife and not the mistress does not afford one total honesty in the relationship.  And we all know honesty is where trust lies. So now the husband is working longer hours at work, taking business trips, uninterested in sex and is not in such a loving mood when he is around.  He is irritated easily and prefers alone time when he is home. After all, his wife is the one he has to consult with about finances, the children, household chores, new purchases, and hear her nag about the time THEY ARE NOT spending together.  This can be a stressful situation.  We are talking about shared credit, different spending and saving habits which lead to argument after argument for control.  All of these things could very well cause this couple to fall in and out of love with each other.  Remember, the wife REALLY knows her husband (the good, the bad and the down right ugly sides of him). Despite it all...they are married!!!

With that information, which side of the coin would you want to land on?  Mistress or Wife?



Role Reversal or Equality?

 SAM COOKE said it best, "A Change Is Gone Come."

What goes around comes around and OUR time is NOW!  Women are making their mark not only in the workforce...but in relationships as well.  Music and mass media set the scene for what is to come and if you pay close attention....women aren't much different from men...we have just been oppressed and had to suppress the urge to splurge for so many years....lol.  But ladies are letting their hair down and challenging men to a dual for MONEY, POWER, RESPECT and SEX (yup it's true)!

 

MONEY!!!!!

POWER!!!

RESPECT!!!

SEX/CHEATING!!!

Forget Mr. Right....U Better Get Mr. Right Now!!!

BOOM.....welcome to your thirties in the 21st Century!!! Women are living THE GOOD LIFE! We have education, we own homes, we are CEO's, and money is flowing so heavy, we are in female strip clubs throwing dollars at chicks like men....because we can....we got it like that!!! For the first time in history....women can control their own destinies.  Evolution has been good to us...but there is one thing that has yet to catch up with the longevity of our wonderful careers and that is.....our freakin ovaries!!!

The first time a young girl gets her menstrual cycle...the biological clock starts.  And although it has ALWAYS been ticking....that ish does not get annoyingly LOUD until one has already reached the height of their career or needs like 5 more years to accomplish that career aspiration.  Unfortunately, the time it takes to get financial independence does not coincide with the odds of having a HEALTHY baby.  Women are most fertile when they are teenagers and young adults (early 20's).  But society has led us to believe that we are not emotionally mature or ready to reproduce during that time.  Sadly, a lot of young girls get pregnant but they abort the pregnancy.  When they find themselves as older adults ready to have children for the first time, or have another child....they can't!  Society says one thing but our bodies are showing us another.  



Society is also pushing marriage before children.  I am not at all disagreeing with the preference for that particular model, however, it is my personal belief that you have the REST of your life to find THE ONE...but you only have about 24 years give or take to have a baby.  When a woman waits beyond that short time period in her life, she puts herself at risk for taking a much longer period to conceive for the first time, she is at a higher risk for miscarriages and the baby is at risk for genetic abnormalities including down syndrome and autism.  That is just speaking candidly about having one child, what about those women who want to have more than one???  All I can say is....damn...where did the time go?

Interestingly, women aren't the only one's whose biological clock is ticking!  Men fail to realise there is a decline in testosterone, a decline in fertility, and a greater chance of fathering children with genetic problems the longer they wait to reproduce as well.  Granted they are able to shoot sperm much longer than women have their menstrual cycles, on the contrary, their sperm does not swim as fast and even if they decide to mate with a much younger woman....it will take much longer for her to get pregnant than if they were both young and at the peak of their reproductive ages.

I am not at all attempting to represent ALL of the women in their thirties...but merely presenting a point of view, one in which I can totally relate to!  My plight is not to convince all of the single women in their thirties to run out and get pregnant, but I am asking them to put into perspective their long term goals.  If family ranks right up there with financial security...now is the time to take control much like you did with your career.  Mr. Right Now does not have to be synonymous with Mr. Wrong.  Look at Mr. Right Now as the conduit to your bundle of joy.  At the end of it all, if things do not work out with Mr. Right Now and he decides to pick up and leave the relationship, you will be happy with what he has left behind.  And when Mr. Right surfaces, you will be able to say that you achieved ALL of your goals and have no regrets!!

Why Do People Say, "I Do," When They Know Damn Well "They Won't?"

Let's just say divorce in this country has become and epidemic.  More than half of all marriages end in divorce and researchers have yet to find a cure.  Although the reasons for divorce differ, the majority of couples call it quits for one......INFIDELITY.  So my rhetorical question is.....if soooo many people are cheating....is monogamy human nature?  The second question is....Can people really be committed to their mate if they are having a physical relationship with other people?  So at this point, I am intrigued not with what will make marriage last, but with those marriages that have lasted and why.

Traditional monogamous marriages are fundamentally religious and prescribed for two individuals (biblically speaking, a man and a woman).  Within that marriage, both individuals agree to be loyal, trustworthy, and committed through sickness and health, for richer for poorer....til death due them part.  EVERYONE who decides to marry knows this....knows themselves...and yet they "Jump the Broom" anyway. 



On any given day in the tabloids, a couple is getting a divorce.  The characters change but the reason remains the same.

I did a little research and surprisingly, Alternative Marriage Styles/Swingers tend to be happier couples and have longevity.   According to research, "swinging is non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity, that can be experienced as a couple. Emotional monogamy, or commitment to the love relationship with one's marital partner, remains the primary focus. Swinging is usually done in the presence of one's spouse and requires the consent of both to the experience."  Currently in traditional monagamous marriages, "37% of husbands and 29% of wives admit to having had at least one extra-marital affair (Reinisch, 1990), divorce rates for first marriages are approaching 60% (Jones, 1995), and family instability and parental neglect of children has become a major national concern (Wagner, 1998; Lowe, 1996; Jones, et al, 1995)."        

In this particular study, Traditional Monogamous Couple's level of happiness is compared to Swinger's level of happiness.

Today's Alternative Marriage Styles:
The Case of Swingers
 
Authors:
Dr. Curtis Bergstrand, Associate Professor of Sociology, Bellarmine University

Table 14. Comparison of Swingers and G.S.S. Samples On the Question: "At this point in your life, would you say that your marriage/relationship is [Very Happy, Pretty Happy, Not Too Happy]

 

	Very Happy	Happy "Pretty" or "Not Too"	Total
GSS (N=19,165)	64.0%	36.0%	100.0%
Swingers (N=1,092)	78.5%	21.5%	100.0%

It seems as though Alternative Marriages/Swingers are happier than traditional monogamous couples.  It is my hypothesis that "polygamous marriages," "open marriages" and "swingers" are working because there are no trust issues and minimal jealousy.  Everyone involved is aware of the situation and there is no need for deceit.  These kind of couples are actually honest, have open communication and an emotional attachment to each other.  Traditional monogamous marriages are open as well once someone cheats...but unfortunately the union is emotionally damaged and trust is hard to regain.

<------Yep that's Will, but that ain't Jada and this ain't a movie! Well this picture on google says, Will was being open with the UK about his open relationship.  So, maybe it is Jada...maybe not...but they definitely have an open relationship.

Man marries four women at once in South Africa.

Happens across cultures, religious beliefs and social economic status.