Traditional monogamous marriages are fundamentally religious and prescribed for two individuals (biblically speaking, a man and a woman). Within that marriage, both individuals agree to be loyal, trustworthy, and committed through sickness and health, for richer for poorer....til death due them part. EVERYONE who decides to marry knows this....knows themselves...and yet they "Jump the Broom" anyway.
On any given day in the tabloids, a couple is getting a divorce. The characters change but the reason remains the same.
I did a little research and surprisingly, Alternative Marriage Styles/Swingers tend to be happier couples and have longevity. According to research, "swinging is non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity, that can be experienced as a couple. Emotional monogamy, or commitment to the love relationship with one's marital partner, remains the primary focus. Swinging is usually done in the presence of one's spouse and requires the consent of both to the experience." Currently in traditional monagamous marriages, "37% of husbands and 29% of wives admit to having had at least one extra-marital affair (Reinisch, 1990), divorce rates for first marriages are approaching 60% (Jones, 1995), and family instability and parental neglect of children has become a major national concern (Wagner, 1998; Lowe, 1996; Jones, et al, 1995)."
In this particular study, Traditional Monogamous Couple's level of happiness is compared to Swinger's level of happiness.
The Case of Swingers
Authors:
Dr. Curtis Bergstrand, Associate Professor of Sociology, Bellarmine University
Table 14. Comparison of Swingers and G.S.S. Samples On the Question: "At this point in your life, would you say that your marriage/relationship is [Very Happy, Pretty Happy, Not Too Happy]
Very Happy | Happy "Pretty" or "Not Too" | Total | |
GSS (N=19,165) | 64.0% | 36.0% | 100.0% |
Swingers (N=1,092) | 78.5% | 21.5% | 100.0% |
It seems as though Alternative Marriages/Swingers are happier than traditional monogamous couples. It is my hypothesis that "polygamous marriages," "open marriages" and "swingers" are working because there are no trust issues and minimal jealousy. Everyone involved is aware of the situation and there is no need for deceit. These kind of couples are actually honest, have open communication and an emotional attachment to each other. Traditional monogamous marriages are open as well once someone cheats...but unfortunately the union is emotionally damaged and trust is hard to regain.
<------Yep that's Will, but that ain't Jada and this ain't a movie! Well this picture on google says, Will was being open with the UK about his open relationship. So, maybe it is Jada...maybe not...but they definitely have an open relationship.
Man marries four women at once in South Africa.
Happens across cultures, religious beliefs and social economic status.
Its about communicating and being on one accord, whatever it is. Often times one make decisions that affect both of them, whether its about sex, money, whatever. Marriage is intended to be a partnership, even if it consist of multiple ppl, but communication still remains the vital component. I'm not sure if monogamy is natural order, but i do know lying, sneaking, and being deceitful its not.
ReplyDeleteMy two cents:
ReplyDeleteIf you lead a traditional lifestyle, polygamy seems more natural. It's customary to believe that a woman shouldn't be alone, and with a man. However, given the men to women ratio, not to mention other societal factors, that's impossible unless we double or triple up. In biblical days, if your spouse died, you married his brother. I once asked my pastor when we switched over to a monogamous society, and he couldn't really tell me. Additionally, I feel like monogamy is a real struggle for many men.
The both of you are sooo dope for leaving comments. I agree with yall...both of yall are on point!!
ReplyDeleteDutchess, I really belive that most women who find out that their mate is cheating on them, are more hurt about being deceived than about the physical encounter. The reason I say this is because.....SO MANY WOMEN....take their cheating men back and are somehow working through it....but what they find most difficult is getting back the trust. If men would just communicate truthfully what they want and how things are going to be...that woman can make the decision for herself instead of him making it for her.
Page...your response is sooooo practical. Basic statistics points out that there isn't SOMEBODY for EVERYBODY but more like a guy for some of us!!! It is funny to me how women act as if they would NEVER want to share their man...but they are doing it all of the time. For example...if that man has money and or power...sorry boo boo....you aren't the only one who has access to him.
Kings had a harem of women back in the day...and in modern day times...the new Kings are the Kobe's and Tiger Woods. The only difference is that women are economically more stable and able to provide for themselves than ever before. Back then, the Kings were sleeping with all of their wives, slaves and any other vagina in sight..but he also took care of them and the children.
Killa Kam, please add a picture of a polygamous marriage that includes one woman and three men. It seems to me to be a male-centric lifestyle that is more beneficial to the husband.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I think women (and men as you see more and more women cheating these days) choose to stay with a cheating partner because of the fear of being alone. Its amazing how attached you get to a lifestyle. When choosing between staying and leaving, many choose to stay. Especially if you are now convinced that if he/she would do it, so will the next.
I really wonder what I would do if my mate cheated???
Zee, thanks so much for joining us and also giving some suggestions. I did add some photos which were hard to find like a needle in a hay stack...but I definitely think you are bringing out both sides in polygamy. I also added a youtube video with an African American female life coach speaking on the topic.
ReplyDeleteZee, I totally agree with you about people staying in relationships because they do not want to be alone or they have the feeling that their next mate will do the same thing. I don't have the remedy to that one....but statistics are numbers and we all know....numbers don't lie. There just isn't someone out there for everyone especially when you add in preferences. This is a topic that I find intriguing...so I intend to keeping asking questions and doing research. Stay tuned!
You know what? That lifestyle of having multiple wives may have been been good for those living in earlier times, but we have evolved as a society for the worse in some aspects. We aren't different in the sexual disease section, but more prepared to do battle with it as it comes (hence why there is a cure for aids but not a cute for cancer).
ReplyDeleteBeing monogamous is probably the best you can do within a relationship.....for some.....some decide between themselves (the husband and wife), to add people every now and then to spice up their marriage (as recently brought about by T-Pain and his wife, which thh also said strengthens their marriage). Some are loyal to the point to where they WILL NEVER leave their mate due to them continually believing in their partner, reason I say to each their own.
Personal belief in what you truly believe about relationships and marriage, as well as finding someone who believes in the same practice of what you do personally is the goal in my opinion....because when you have someone who sees it your way and vice versa you see it theirs, well in my opinion that's the reason why things work differently for different people....