EH, I SAY, PLAN FOR TOMORROW BUT LIVE FOR TODAY
Everyone seems to be an expert on relationships laying out the rules and nuances of the dating game, wear this...don't wear that, say this...don't say that, have sex...don't have sex...and the list goes on. The truth is, there is no cookie cutter outline to what will work for everyone. If that were the case, every single woman who wants to wed would be married (hmmmm) or maybe not since women clearly out number men.
Marriage, what is it, where did it come from and why do so many people want it? According to google, marriage is defined as "the formal union of a man and a woman, typically recognised by law, by which they become husband and wife."
Ok, so where did all of the formalities come from? Marriage is only about 4, 350 years old. Prior to this institute, families were comprised of tribes with several male leaders and multiple women shared by them and children. When tribes settled into agrarian civilizations...key word...CIVILIZATIONS, society had deemed one woman and one man = stability. At inception, marriage had little to do with love or religion. The purpose in marriage was to bind women to men and guarantee that a man's children were truly his biological heirs. Women became a man's property, hence...taking the man's last name. Religion became apart of marriage when the Roman Catholic Church became a powerful institute in Europe which then required couples to receive the blessings of a priest to be legally recognised. Religion provided structure and rules (1) men had to show respect for wives, (2) divorce was forbidden, and (3) the couple had exclusive access to each other's body (monogamy). Marriage at that time was for the practical reasons which later grew to deep mutual love and devotion over time. To marry for love was "invented" by the French. Women were taught to "cast her love with flirtatious glances, anything but a frank and open entreaty (invitation for sex)." (Source: the weekmagazine.com)
And people want this because??? Romance changed not only the purpose of marriage, but it began to dictate how men and women should behave. Men now have to have higher regards for women and attempt to woo them for their love and affection. Initmacy is no longer a given requirement for women as it had been in the past. Sex and love has to be earned. (Source: the weekmagazine.com)
Rules give me the blues....and I feel, the only rules people follow are the ones they make! Men like variety, so one day they want a woman who will make them wait for sex and tomorrow they want the one who is ready to get busy immediately. In his head he ratoinalizes her actions by stating that she is a woman who knows what she wants...lol. Dudes crack me up and relationship experts have me rolling on the floor laughing my @zz off. The kicks and giggles come from the unrealistic bull crap that is pushed off on us. The way I see it is, a man likes what he likes and he commits to whomever he chooses. With that being said, whoever he decides to make his woman or his wife has little to do with what she wears, what she says or how soon she decides to have sex with him. Men have their own ideas about what turns them on, and what qualities they feel she should have in order to be his wife.
With this understanding, I feel people should think and be who they are!!! Flirt with life by experimenting with different relationships in order to know what you truly like and dislike. Once one comes to terms with the qualities they would like their life long mate to have, a few face to face interactions will make it known whether or not it is a relationship worth pursuing. Action speaks louder than words so watch what the person does and store what they say. Everyone can tell when someone really likes them. That person wants to spend time with you on a regular basis, your relationship will not be a secret and the person you are dating is interested in getting to really know you for who you are beyond the surface. There are no rules one should follow to get the man to wed. Men marry when they are ready....point blank period. He can be with someone he loves for years and never marry her...they break up...the next year he is ready to get married and the first one he commits to becomes his wife. So if you want to have a little fun....JUST UNDERSTAND...that it is just a little fun. If more comes out of it cool and if not...it was a moment that should not leave you devastated and broken. If you know that emotionally you can't have a little fun...then DON'T...it is that simple. I would not say wait 3 months to have sex or put any specific time limit on intimacy...but take your time. What you will learn in 3 months for sure is who you are really getting to know. Fake behavior can only last for so long and usually 90 days is all the fakeness one can keep up before the truth is revealed. I believe that people show you who they are before 90 days. Just fall back and pay attention to how that person treats themselves, you, and the people around them. The truth will always be the truth and I truely believe it is better to plan for the future knowing what you want but also living in the moment. Every person who crosses your path is not going to make it into your future..so enjoy right now, don't over think it!
You know...there are many reasons why relationships are so damn difficult and why marriage is hard (at times).
ReplyDeleteEveryone has a match in a mate...no matter how bad or good, how big or how small...everybody has one. There are many rules to "how to find a good mate", I don't say great because to me that would be saying that I am looking for perfection in a mate, but no one is perfect in who they are or what they do.
Our G-parents spoke about "courting", our parents spoke about how when they met each other how much time they spent with each other, where they went and how they eventually fell in love and had you (and your siblings).
Today is different due to the make up of how life is now built by men and women. Men take for granted that a good job, a strong jaw line, some good looks, smooth talk and a *kevin hart voice* LOOOONNNNGG DICK!!!...is going to seal the deal and "keep" a woman coming back. Women, well they are more alive and more in control of what they give and receive to men. Some men think that they have women figured out, but women do what they want, not what they at times are tricked into.
My mother told me that a real woman would dig what I had to say, value what I say and correct what I say (if I'm wrong as two left shoes). There is a "weed out" process that my mother said women do towards men...I believe it but men do it too...and frankly, it's actually wrong and right in ways. Wrong that the game has to be played in order to find true love, right that when one meets and beats all those obstacles in front of them, you know you have found someone special that you will most likely spend the rest of your life with. I guess sometimes it just depends on how long you feel like playing "games" with the opposite sex, in order to find a qualified mate that you have fun with, find interesting mentally and their physical make up is attractive to you (no matter how it looks).
There have been more movies in the last 20 years about relationships...EVERYONE has taken bits and pieces from these movies and like you said, "if you pay attention" to what they say, you would hear a line or two like they wrote it and got paid!!!...lol.
I think you are 100 percent correct. History shows the natural relationship of woman and man was changed and not because god said so. Irregardless a man will choose the woman he wants when he is ready and often on our quest to find that woman we may not know exactly what qualities we are looking for. For men physical attraction can often disguise itself as like of character but I agree that if a woman takes her time and is herself she will find out if a guy truly likes her. Often times with guys we find a mate through trial and error and realize who the real chicks are by them keeping it real and setting themselves apart from the fake chicks
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